The Podcast on Haunted Hill

Podcast on Haunted Hill will contain spoilers and swearing.

I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.

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Welcome to the podcast on Haunted Hill episode 158 Rhymes of Masturbate.

The only reason I said that, Dan, said that before we recorded.

This is not a bingo haul, but we normally rhyme when we do bingo in, don't we, Dan?

Well, we don't actually compare or MC bingo in, but Dan, maybe we should start...

Maybe we should, maybe we should.

Even a bingo podcast.

Yes, the reason I do that, dear sweet listeners, is because sometimes, because we are now into the hundred-odd episodes, to remind Gav of what episode he's about to introduce, I like to throw a little rhyme at him.

Well, I said it last time, didn't I?

I know that sometimes you're looking at me going, what number is he going to say?

Well, I try and rhyme it with something sexually related, because Gav has got a good brain for that.

Anyway, my name's Gav.

My name's Dan.

This is episode 158, as Gavin has said, and it does rhyme with masturbate.

It also rhymes with great, great, great, great directors, because this is another director special, Gav.

Yes, it is.

Mr.

Wesley Craven.

Indeed.

Now, we covered Wes Craven a while back, when we covered Scream and the original, Nightmare on Amstreat.

This was many, many years ago.

But he is one of those directors, much like John Carpenter, that it's worth coming back to.

He's got a pretty decent body of work.

So we've selected each one of his films.

We won't be going too much into his career this time, because we did that when we covered his first, well, his first director special.

But what did I choose?

You chose, oh, you chose, yeah, for some reason, you chose The Hills Have Ice.

It was a long time ago.

Yeah, well, I chose it because I thought, oh, I like that movie.

But we're good.

We're good to that.

This is the original 1977 Hills Have Ice, the video nasty, the one that was banned, but not banned, but then it was, but then it wasn't.

I didn't think of an alternative title for it.

You know, you get like Twin Peaks.

I thought like the mountains have knockers.

The mountains have knockers.

Brilliant.

The Hills Have Ice, the mountains have, what about the mountains have ears?

I like knockers.

Yeah, of course you do.

Knockers is a British slang for boobs, breasts, titties.

We've paired that one up with My Choice from the early 90s, featuring the hit song by Redhead Kingpin, Do The Right Thing.

I don't know why I said that.

Yeah, it's a brilliant song.

But it's The People Under The Stairs, starring Ving Motherfucking Rames.

Yeah, looking a bit more youthful than Motherfucker era.

Motherfucker.

Yeah, and a few other people are in that.

So yeah, The People Under The Stairs from the early 90s, very political, racially charged undertones, and that one we'll discuss.

And one of the original nasties, which Wes Craven was known for in the early part of his career, obviously he made Last House on the Left, then he made The Hills Have Eyes, and both of them were very, very, very considered very naughty in terms of cinema.

They got R ratings, Xs, whatever stuff that was.

They're both pretty grimy.

Very grimy.

So that's what we're covering.

World Of The Strange.

Yes.

Bill Murray is already here.

He arrived yesterday.

Shh, he's sleeping at the moment.

Still a bit jet lagged.

But he's very excited for me to go through a list of stuff that potentially relates to one of our films.

So you know the drill, Gav.

You know what he's like with his lists.

Yeah.

Oh, Billy Murray.

So that's what we're doing, dear sweet listeners, for this episode.

Keeping the director specials going as much as we can for our 10th year of podcasting, which is still crazy.

But it's time to discuss what we've been watching.

I've only got two films really to talk about.

There's one that Gav's seen for the second time the same night.

I watched it.

But before we get to that one, I want to talk about another film from 2022 that I watched recently.

It's just hit UK Netflix, and that's Bodies, Bodies, Bodies.

Have you seen this, Gavin?

I've seen the picture, but I hope we pay attention.

I just figured it's something for the generation, which is not me.

Yes, but you will like it because of that.

Yes, because everybody in it is a cunt, as you would say.

Don't use that word very often.

They're all a bunch of social media, Twittering, Facebooking wankers, assholes, entitled, all these people that are very, very sort of like, I need to be in the same space and all this kind of stuff, people that play the victim and all that kind of stuff.

And nobody in it is likable.

It's incredibly funny.

Okay, I was about to say, you're not selling it to me.

Why do I actually spend time looking at these people?

Because it's incredibly funny.

It's got an incredible twist or two.

The ending is fantastic.

And the way it's shot is all shot in the dark.

Basically, they play this game called Bodies, Bodies, Bodies.

They all go to a mansion, all get drunk, do loads of cocaine.

And then they say, let's play Bodies, Bodies, Bodies, which is like the Werewolf game, that kind of game where somebody is the killer, you'll get a bit of paper, and if you've got the X on it, you're the killer and everybody else is the victim.

You've got to work it out.

But people start actually dying.

And because the lights are all out in this mansion, it's all lit by phones, glow sticks, some flashlights and cigarette lighters and things like that.

And the staff, the cast all had to be taught how to light themselves as well as memorize the lines, et cetera.

So it's got a very unique look for the last half of the film as well.

Yeah, really, really, really enjoyed it.

I didn't think I was going to, but I've heard nothing but good things about it, and actually it was really good fun.

And yeah, I think the new generation, the young generation, the current generation will like it, but I also think they'll be a bit pissed off because we're kind of taking the piss out of them a little bit in this film.

Will they even notice?

They probably won't.

They'll probably be too busy tweeting about.

My latte was delivered with the wrong spelling of my name on it, and it wasn't the correct temperature.

Yeah, possibly.

OK, that's a shame you haven't seen it, but it is on UK Netflix for anyone that hasn't seen it, and it is worth watching.

It's got that Pete Davidson guy in it, you know, that comedian stand-up guy who I hate, but he was quite good at this, actually.

He did a pretty good film called The King Of Staten Island.

He did?

Yes, you're right.

OK, yeah, that makes me think that actually maybe he's a pretty good actor.

That's all I could tell of him, but after all I did, I just kept sort of seeing him in pictures.

Well, he's popped his penis in quite a lot of famous ladies over the last few years.

And then he's turned up in Eminem's new music video.

He didn't turn up in Eminem.

He didn't turn up in Eminem, that I know of.

That might have happened.

But did he want to have turned up in him?

Did he do it?

Did he not?

Did he diddler?

Who did he knows?

Nobody knows.

Diddly dum diddy.

Well, let's cut straight to the main course of what we've been watching.

We both watched it.

My first watch, your second watch.

I'm a big, big fan of Jordan Peele.

So I was very excited to watch.

Managed to avoid all spoilers, considering it came out of the tail end of 2022.

It's just hit UK Netflix again.

So thank you, Netflix.

We are not sponsored by Netflix, by the way.

Can you tell I've had a big coffee?

If I was peaking 100 miles an hour, I'll slow it down.

I had those.

But, nope.

Alice watched it with me.

She said she was bored by it, which is the complaint I'm getting from a lot of people.

It does seem a little pretentious with length.

It doesn't need to be as long.

That's what she said.

I don't understand why all these films have to be so long.

You don't need to be.

We can get to the point quicker, please.

Isn't it two hours?

It does dawdle at the beginning.

It does dawdle for quite a while because I watched it with Charlie, and Charlie was like, and then, yeah, phones came along.

No worries.

It dawdled for a little while.

It could be tired.

I enjoyed it again, though, second time, because I fucking hate us.

I think that's no shit.

I know you do.

But I love Get Out.

So it's a bit of a, you know.

But this one, really, I actually quite enjoyed it.

Yeah, man, the thing is, and I know you don't often like it when a film is layered and you have to go back and look for bits and bobs.

Only if they're making you work.

Yeah.

Us is making you work, and it's fuck off, you cunt.

I'm coming for this.

I really enjoyed No, really enjoyed it, in fact.

Put it on the level with us.

For me, sorry to cut you off very quickly.

For me, because I like Alien films, like Bigfoot films, like Royal films.

There's only so many of all of those, which I, in my opinion, I think are good.

Yeah.

And No, it sits in there.

It's a very good Aliens.

It's very good, well done in the clouds, because you know how much I love UFOs.

It's very original.

Yeah, you know how much I love UFOs.

So for me, it's like a good representation of UFOs with clouds and shit.

So I quite dig that.

Yeah, I really like what Jordan Peele does as well.

He brings it, he always brings in a new look or a new take on something.

So the fact that, and there's no racial or political agenda, but the fact that he really explores the fact that actually 50% of cowboys were black, you know, and the first family that wrangled horses in Hollywood was a black family.

So he's got this black family that raised Hollywood horses, and they just happened to get caught up in this crazy UFO shit.

There's no political agenda with it.

To be fair, watching it this time around, I didn't actually notice any colour at all.

Do you know what I mean?

I literally didn't at all.

Oh yeah, it's not about, and that's what I'm saying, it's not about that, it just so happens to be.

And I didn't though, which is quite good, because he was commented on in social media, as always, you'd get people saying, he's always sort of repping the black people and stuff.

Oh yeah, fair enough.

Yeah, he is black.

He can't do whatever the fuck he wants.

But that was commented on a lot, and I didn't really give a shit about it, but I did notice a lot of people saying that either way, like pro or con, for whatever reason.

I'm going to go out and say a bold statement here.

This was like Spielberg and Shyamalan combined, because it had a lot of...

It's got scope.

Family dynamic and scope.

When he was making it, he said, I want to make the sort of film that I went to watch in the summer, like a Spielberg movie, and that's kind of what he's done with this.

But also, it's got those little twists, and if you want to find the little details and the little clues, like the Shyamalan films, it's got that and it's well.

It's got some genuinely creepy and terrifying moments.

It's got a very original concept for an alien.

It's got a terrifying abduction scene, which I've never seen anything quite like that.

I won't spoil it, because it's still a relatively new film.

But I generally enjoyed it.

I don't really need the monkey bits in it so much.

Charlie's like, what was it?

It's just there.

Well, the reason that was in it is because.

I know, it's because that guy was when he was younger, and that's what he remembers.

But well, he so the whole meaning behind it is you're trying to find this fame, and Hollywood quite often literally eats and spits out people.

And that's kind of what the whole thing behind this is.

So the character in it who had a terrible time with a monkey when he was a child, he because he survived that encounter, he's under the impression that you can tame like an apex predator, like a monkey or a lion or an alien.

And yeah, so if you want to look into it, it's about the Hollywood monster chewing people up and spitting them out quite literally.

But again, I came at it as just a viewer watching a UFO movie.

So if you took that out of it, it would have changed the UFO feel for me anyway.

And for me, I could have lost it.

Do you know what I mean?

The only reason I know that is because afterwards I went online and I watched it.

Yeah, because I love Jordan Peele, you know.

And it's fine.

I'm all up for films doing these things, or even if they're not, and people interpret them that way.

But if there's these messages, fine.

But like I say, I don't want to work for it.

But with this film, this time around, I felt like he made it for the people who, if they want to go searching for the treasure, buried treasure, go for it.

It's there.

But if you just want to come and be entertained, I'm definitely going to entertain you.

And I think that was the same with Get Out.

Get Out was like an amazing film.

But if you want to search for it, it was there.

But I think, like, I understand with us.

But with us, it's making you have to work.

It not insulted me.

It felt like I was kind of stitched up in a way.

I paid to go to the cinema.

I didn't pay to come here to work.

I paid to come here and enjoy myself for entertainment.

I know what you mean.

Well, for me, it's a three out of three for three for him.

I love all three of the movies he's done.

And his new project's just been announced.

It's got no title yet, but it's coming out in October 2026.

So it's a long time to wait.

But he's just started production on it.

And I'm excited for that.

And Marvel have approached him and asked him if he will direct the new X-Men film.

Stay away from Marvel.

Sorry, Dad, I know you're a fan, but stay away, Jordan.

He will probably turn it down because he was offered his favorite film of all time is the Japanese manga Akira.

And he was offered the chance to direct the live action version of that.

And he said, absolutely not.

I'm not going to direct my favorite film of all time.

No way.

Why would I remake that?

So he's got a good head on it.

I think he is.

And it's funny, Get Out and Note both had Daniel in it.

Yes, Daniel Kaluar, yeah.

Maybe that's the thing that I'm missing from his movies.