The Podcast on Haunted Hill

The podcast on Haunted Hill will contain spoilers and swearing.

I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.

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It is time to keep your appointment.

Hello, and welcome to the podcast on Haunted Hill Episode 154.

One, five, four.

My name is Gav from the planet Uranus.

Wow, my name is Dan from the Jupiter moon of something.

Do you know Uranus is actually the smelliest of the planets?

And it's not called Uranus, Uranus?

Uranus, it's pronounced.

It has the most smelly gas of any other planets.

And Pluto is no longer a planet, sadly, got demoted.

And did you know that they wanted to actually give the moon a actual time zone?

Really?

Yeah, that was weird.

Weird.

I also found out that the Brachiosaurus has now been debunked, it's not an actual dinosaur.

It was a combination of skeletons and it's no such thing as a, or was it a Brontosaurus, one of the two?

It's no longer a dinosaur, so.

Well, there we go.

That's the interesting podcast.

Listeners, you're not here for that.

You're here for Dolph Lundgren and Dan Bone birthday nurse, aren't you?

It's a birthday episode.

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want, talking of dinosaurs, and I'll cry if I want to.

Yeah, double Dolph Lundgren.

Yes, yes.

Yes, welcome everybody, 154.

For those not savvy with how we do things, when it's one of the guests, when it's one of the hosts, not the guests, one of the hosts birthdays, then that person gets to pick the movies.

So as Gav said, I've selected a couple of Dolph Lundgren movies, basically an excuse to talk about He-Man, because I'm a big He-Man fan.

So as you may have guessed, one of those movies is the Canon Classic, 1987.

I was going to say, it's not always nice to see the old Canon logo.

It's always lovely to see.

Canon Classic, 1987, Dolph Lundgren, Courtney Cox, starring Masters Of The Universe.

And a lot to talk about with that one and Canon Studios and what it did to Canon Studios and the toy line and all that business and Dolph Lundgren's career, blah.

And the other one is a lesser known, but often mentioned as one of his best sort of solo movies.

And that's 1990s Dark Angel, also known in the US as I Come In Peace, I Come In Peace, which is a sci-fi, slight horror, that's more sci-fi, dark, cop.

Oh, it's kind of like Highlander meets lethal weapon.

It's just weird and wonderful.

And Gavin, I don't think you'd seen it before, so I'm excited to hear your thoughts on that.

Yep.

So that's what we're going to be covering.

And obviously Bill Murray is already, he's been here for about three hours because it's my birthday.

So he's been baking me a birthday cake, birthday brownies, which I'm refusing to eat because God knows what he's putting in them.

But he's excited.

You'd hope it's weed, it's not.

It's probably something really weird.

It's really like crack, yeah.

Well, he's dressed as Walter White.

Bill Murray in his crack brownies.

Yeah, he is dressed as Walter White.

So that actually, that makes sense now.

But yeah, he'll be here to lead us into the world of the strange later on.

And we're just going to have a lot of fun.

It's my birthday and talk about weird and wonderful things.

So there'll be some sharks in a moment to talk about, shark movies and lots of He-Man and action heroes, Dolph Lundgren and all that kind of good stuff.

It is strange that for this whole time we've been podcasting over 10 years that we have a third member.

And yes, ladies and gentlemen, I said the humorous name for a penis, member.

Member.

We have a third member and it's Bill Murray, but he's never, he's never ever been there.

Oh, get out the bag.

Don't ruin it.

It's not ruined it at all.

That's why I say Nicholas Cage isn't officially our mascot.

Cause he's officially our mascot.

This is my birthday.

It's like saying that, I didn't say it's an actual fact.

I don't know nothing about that.

But yeah, we have a third member of being Bill Murray, which I love that, over 10 years.

Well, I have to get him to speak one day.

I'm just getting him on the air.

Here's a furry thing for your mouth.

He's nodding no to me as we...

It's a microphone.

He's not allowed, you know, the contract isn't allowed.

He's not, I know, yep.

He says no, you know, I know the contract allows him to only literally introduce World Of The Strange.

And it's certainly not, you know, a sound bite from a movie that he was in many years ago.

Well, I tell you what, Bill, we've actually had a word from Dolph Lundgren and he's actually said, you know, if we ever thought of replacing you, that he would step in.

Who would win in a fight between Dolph Lundgren and Bill Murray?

I don't know.

Bill Murray might know something we don't.

Yeah, to be fair, Bill Murray is a very mysterious man.

He might have golf club ninja skills.

Yeah, indeed, indeed.

Well, it's my birthday.

I know you're dying to know what I did for my birthday.

You alright?

If you had one of those bionies.

It was a very low key one.

The children were in preschool, so my wife drove me out to the country.

This sounds like the start of a horror film.

And treated me to a country pub dinner.

Sounded like a porn movie, actually.

Oh, and the car broke down.

Took me out to the country and blew me in the bushes.

Bloody hell.

No, that didn't happen.

We just literally went out and had some lunch and then drove back to Bristol and had to pick the kids up.

But it was very low key, very nice birthday.

So that was that really.

Nothing special, but no hand job hampers.

I don't know what that means.

Hand job hamper is.

It makes me think a hamper.

It makes me think a basket case.

So I certainly don't want a hand job from that thing.

Yeah, that's a hard sell.

Hard indeed.

But I have been watching lots of films, Gav.

What are you watching?

Oh, shit.

There's my phone.

Let me get my IMDB and also I'm actually last time I was on it.

I had my notes and everything.

Jesus Christ.

You carry on.

Well, I'm going to disappoint you straight away.

Oh, God.

Because I, you know, I love shark movies.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I finally rewatched The Meg.

Oh, I like Meg, though.

Do you not like it?

I know you do.

That's why I wasn't going to disappoint you.

I watched it, didn't like it.

You gave me the DVD and I thought, I'll rewatch this now.

Because I haven't seen the sequel.

Hated it.

I don't know why, because everyone else seems to get on with it and really enjoy it.

But I found it really boring.

No, not everyone.

I know people, I've seen people don't like it.

Even though it's got a sense of fun to it, I didn't really find it fun.

If you put Jason Statham in a shark movie, surely that's got a damn bone written all over it.

Because those two components work for me.

I'll call it epic, just put a Jason Statham movie on it.

And if it's a shark movie, you know, and the kids like it.

So it's one to put on in the background with the kids there sort of thing.

I'm just a bit sad.

It's one of those ones that I'm a bit sad.

I don't get it.

I don't get the hype.

But I'm still going to check out the Meg 2, which I think you've seen.

But yeah, so I had to sort of medicate myself there by watching another shark movie.

So after that, I watched Megashark versus Colossus.

Of course you did.

And how did that go?

I enjoyed it about as much as the Meg.

Oh good.

Have you seen the Meg 2?

No, that's what I just said to you.

I haven't seen it yet.

Oh, sorry.

I wasn't listening to you.

That's why this podcast works so well.

But the Megashark vs.

Colossus is the fourth film in the Megashark series.

Let me just read you the synopsis.

In search of a new energy source, Russia accidentally awakens the Colossus, which is a giant robot from the Cold War.

Just as they do this, a new Megashark appears threatening global security.

Coincidence?

Coincidence?

Winky-dinky right there.

So they've made this big giant robot shark to help with war.

It's not a robot shark.

It's a humanoid robot.

So it's a giant robot man that fights the shark.

But he was frozen.

Why was he frozen?

During the Cold War.

What?

Is he like a massive cyborg?

Not with like a fin or something?

No, no, no, no.

It's Mega Shark versus Colossus.

But he could survive frozen under the water for so many years.

Yeah, because he's a robot.

Right.

But did they not think of getting him out before?

Did they not?

They must have got him.

So they accidentally got him out.

Yeah, they filled him out by mistake.

But Kawinky Dink is a giant fucking shark.

Well, the thing is, this is the fourth in the series.

So if you've been keeping up with the series, which I know you and a lot of our listeners have.

There's now, by this fourth film, there's a crew of women with giant boobs in scantily clad clothing who ride around in these cool submarines taking out Megalodons because the Mega Shark is one of many Mega Sharks.

So while they're doing that, they realize, oh no, there's another Megalodon.

Where is he?

He's Russia.

All right, let's go there.

Oh no, the big robot's woken up.

What do you think is going to happen?

They're going to have a big punch up.

Bob's your uncle.

Fanny's your aunt.

Dan's happy.

No Jason Statham in it.

You know, I'm sad about that, but...

Who won?

The audience.

Yeah, I think they did.

You won.

That's who won.

I won.

You won with a fucking knockout.

Yeah.

I do watch a couple of bits and bobs.

Tell you what, I watched a movie called Survive In The Game with Ice-T.

Yes, you did.

Fucking hell, that poster was atrocious.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That poster shows Ice-T running.

It doesn't even look like Ice-T.

He's not even really running.

He's kind of just patting along through the...

And that's pretty much his running in the movie.

But this movie, I never heard of it.

So when I watched it, I said, I just found this movie.

I said, should we watch it?

I was like, it's fucking...

Gary Boosie basically hunting Ice-T.

She's like, sold.

I was like, okay, let's do it.

So he rented it out on Amazon.

Rookahel.

Who was the other one?

Well, I mean, that's that.

Those three names in a movie sounds great.

It looked like Hard Target from the poster.

I think we've got Airbnb people again.

There's always bloody people there.

Young kids screaming.

It looked like Hard Target from the poster and from the bits she sent me.

The Van Damme movie.

Yeah, a little bit like that.

It was a 90s film.

And the thing was, it should have been really, really, really good, but I can't spoil it.

But some characters shouldn't, what happened to them so early, shouldn't have happened.

And it kind of went, it started off really promising, and then kind of just went downhill a little.

I love when you discover these movies, like the time you discovered that one about Nick Nolte secretly living in someone's attic.

Hiding in the attic.

Of all the people you want to find up there, you don't want Nick Nolte up there.

Was it Gary or was it Nick, Nick Nolte?

Gay Boosie, it's always Gay Boosie.

Jesus Christ, that's even worse.

But yeah, and Gay Boosie chase after you.

And he has a punch up of ice tea.

But anyway, well, if I watch, I can hear, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, non-gender people, aliens, dinosaurs, ET, ghosts, ghouls, goblins, and ghouls.

If you hear anything next door, I can't do fuck all about it, so you have to put out of it.

We can't hear it, gov, don't worry.